Why I don't cook OR Why I drink in the kitchen

I thought it would be nice to give cookie packages this year on Christmas Eve. I went to a cookie exchange a few weeks ago and discovered some delicious trailer trash delights made from Ritz crackers and peanut butter dipped in chocolate. Sounds disgusting and yet surprisingly delicious. I wanted to share my discovery with my loved ones. I didn't have a recipe but how hard could this be - right.

I headed for Costco and bought Ritz crackers, organic peanut butter and the industrial sized bag of toll house chocolate chips. I made one hundred peanut butter and Ritz sandwiches and proceeded to dip them in different mixtures of chocolate. The organic peanut butter was to oily. I needed good old fashioned Skippy extra creamy. Good thing I bought the industrial sized box of Ritz. A quick trip to Albertson's for another jar of peanut butter.

When straight toll house chips turned out to be too thick for dipping I found some instructions on the back of the package directing me to add Crisco to the melted chocolate for dipping. Another trip to Albertson's for Crisco and I dipped some more. I waited for the chocolate to set. I'm still kind of waiting.

I went to the Internet for instruction. It referenced 'dipping chocolates'. I went in search of dipping chocolates which after 4 stores and and equal number of hours I found is not sold in the chocolate aisle, nor is it sold in the baking aisle, it is carried in the produce aisle. Don't ask me why, we've already established that I don't cook.

And so I bought the dipping chocolate which came in it's own microwave safe cardboard bowl and I again proceeded to dip. And again I waited for the chocolate to set, but this time it did set. I moved to the next step in the process which was cookie decoration. White chocolate piped on top of the cookies in a decorative fashion. I used the dipping chocolate in white since I knew it would at least harden when done.

My finished cookies are delicious - all 40 of them. No, the chocolate did not set perfectly and yes they do seem to be sweating. You must eat your cookie very quickly once you've chosen it from the plate lest it melt in your hand.

My kitchen is not back to normal. It may never be. Please stop me if I ever mention the desire to make cookies again.